(This is before we were even dating)
I heard the song "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens this week and was reminded about God's faithfulness. Reminded is not a strong enough word. The immensity of God's love and faithfulness washed over me in a way that took my breath.
The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reason why you brought me here
But just because you love me the way that you do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to
Scenes from the last ten years began to flash through my mind, and I was overwhelmed at all of my highs and lows and how God has been there every minute of every day. Sometimes I didn't understand He was there, but in the end I could always look back and see His hand. I have realized that God has shown Himself so faithful that I don't doubt that characteristic in Him at all. I may have questions about what He says or why, but I know to trust first and understand later.
'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step
And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet
So if all of these trials bring me closer to You
I'm gonna walk through the fire if You want me to
If you had told me ten years ago that I would marry my best friend, meet a group of people in Huntsville that would rock the way I view Jesus and following Him, grieve the loss of one baby, bring two more into the world, move to Memphis to help plant a church, endure a terrible year of marriage and come out the other side stronger and more in love, fall in love with Memphis, be a stay-at-home mom and realize it is harder and better than I ever imagined, find my identity in Christ alone, endure the emotional roller coaster that is the adoption process, become the mom of another beautiful baby boy, and mentor women coming out of prostitution, I would have laughed in your face. I would have laughed and then cried because the prospect of all of these things is overwhelming and not all things I would have chosen, but God is faithful and He is good and He loves me. He knows what is best for me, and this is the path He chose for me to take. So, understand it or not, I have learned, with plenty of fighting and kicking and screaming, to follow Him. I am thankful that I am not who I was ten years ago.
It may not be the way I would have chosen
When You lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone
So much of my life is not what I planned or imagined. It has been harder sometimes. Mostly, it has been richer and fuller and better than I could have planned. I am not saying that I have always followed God or always been obedient. I haven't always willingly listened to God, but He has always kindly and firmly pushed me along. He has offered me riches. While, a lot of times, I have chosen rags of my own making, I am beginning to see through the rags and recognize the sparkling of God's riches. I have seen enough of who God is to know that I can trust Him. He is good, and He is faithful.
So when the whole world turns against me and
I'm all by myself
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering Your love put you through
And I will go through the darkness if You want me to
Now, I hope there are not dark times to come, but in this life so far we have had a few. There have been times that felt like the whole world was against me and God wasn't listening. He was and is listening. He was and is always there for me.
When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing I'm gonna shout
I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see, You never let me down
So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You
And I will walk through the valley if You want me to
This last part of the song is my prayer. I am so thankful for the path so far, and I want to follow God all the way home. It is hard at times to remember God's faithfulness when in the middle of the struggle. So, my prayer is that not only now while things are good but also when things are hard I will remember how good and faithful God has been this far in my life. He is trustworthy and good.