Thursday, December 8, 2011
To say that two children knocked me for a loop would be an understatement.
I have never really thought of myself as a prideful person. I mean, I was very proud of the amazing little boy that Carter was turning out to be. I felt great about life and about being able to manage life. What I didn't realize was that I had become very self-reliant and PRIDEFUL. Well, as the title says, "Pride comes before the fall.." It was a big fall and it hurt. Lots of bruises on my big ego and scrapes on the facade I had built that shouted, "I am the perfect mom!"
You see, when we had Carter it was a pretty easy adjustment. I mean we didn't really have to change life all that much. We just took Carter along with us in our life. So, I assumed that the second child would just be the same way. We would just add her to the pack and take her along with us.
WELL, it did not quite happen like that. Don't get me wrong Norah Lynn was an amazing newborn. She has been content and happy. She sleeps from 7pm all the way until 8:30 or 9am and has for a while now. I am serious. She is great But there were now two of them and one of me. It didn't add up as I thought it would.
I realized that my attitude had been one of supermom. I thought because I had it all together with one child that meant I wrote the book on motherhood. HA!! I have found out that it is nothing of me that makes these children content, happy, obedient or sweet. God created these wonderful kids and by His grace He allows me to love and hold and walk them trough life. The big key to it all is that it is not about me being supermom. It is about me realizing that I am nothing and that being a mom is an impossible responsibility without Christ. All the good that comes out of me is of Him.
I have found this out the hard way. There has been a lot coming out, this past year, that is not Christ and it has not been pretty!! I have found out that my sin nature, the part of me that comes out when I try to be in control, is U-G-L-Y!!
A good friend of mine told me that the key is to be prayed up all day everyday and to be consistent. So, that is what I do. I pray for patience. I pray for mercy and grace. I pray for the words to say. I pray for energy. I pray for a moment to rest. I pray that the love of Christ would pour out of me and flood Carter and Norah Lynn so that they might see Jesus in me and be attracted to that. I want them to know that their Mommy loves Jesus and I want that to make them want to know and love Jesus too. I don't want to tell them I love Jesus and then what comes out of me is sharp tones, ugly looks and a quick temper. That is not the image of Jesus I want to portray.
So, to all you moms out there I want to say I am sorry for looking at you and judging. I am sorry for not giving you the grace I now hope people give me. I commend you for raising your children as God has called you to do. I want you to know that the sweatshirt, ponytail, no make up, how long has it been since I have had a shower look suits you well. It is a look of love and sacrifice, a look of a obedience to your Father. You are amazing!!
Friday, April 22, 2011
These are my beautiful children. These are the little lives that I would do anything for and pray for everyday. These little faces capture my heart and make it sing.
Today is Good Friday. Today is the day that Jesus died. Not just any death, but a undeserved death, my death. Today is the day that Mary watched as the face that captured her heart was beaten and bruised. She watched as the life that she would do anything for and prayed for was mocked, tortured and killed. Mary, Jesus's mother, stood by helplessly as the little one she held and rocked, now a man, was whipped and crucified. She watched, all the while, knowing it was for her he was hanging on that cross.
As I think about today, I can't help but think about what it must have been like, for Mary, to watch her son suffer so much. I can't even begin to imagine seeing my children in so much pain.
I also think about the reason Jesus was hanging on the cross, the reason he had to die. In obedience to His Father, it was because of me He was hanging on that cross. That death was mine, what I deserve for the sin in my life.
I may not seem like a bad person. By most people's standards I would be considered a good person.
I want to tell you that I am not a good person. My heart is wicked in and of itself. If left to myself I would choose sin. Only by the grace of God, only by abiding in Christ am I redeemed!! I NEED Jesus! Bottom line. Nothing else matters. I am not justified because I m a good mother, a good wife. I am not redeemed because my house is clean or because I am nice to my neighbors. I am not good because I go to church or even because I serve in church. None of these things matter and none of them count.
The only thing that matters is that God opened my eyes to my need for Him and redeemed my wicked heart for His glory. Because of Him I can rejoice and be glad. He saved me!! I can live because He died.
Today is the day that my Savior died. In a few days we rejoice that He is risen, but today I am compelled to remind myself of my need for Him, the reason He died.
John 19, Ephesians 1
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Things I've learned in my short time as a mother of two:
1. Love is not something I can measure or understand. God has made my heart big enough to fall in love with two beautiful children.
2. Patience does not come easy while suffering from sleep deprivation.
3. Never underestimate the amount of laughter a two year old can bring into your life, or the power that that laughter has to overcome sleep deprivation and a small case of baby blues.
4. A helpful, understanding, loving husband is priceless.
5. I am able to do much more than I thought, but only with lots of prayer and a few tears here and there.
6. The middle of the night is not my first choice, but it is a great time to enjoy the wonderful treasure that is a new baby. We are the only two awake and she is all mine with no interruptions.
7. It is not easier the second time around to listen to your baby cry.
8. Your first child goes from being a baby to a big boy the minute that baby comes out. I mean he talks in complete sentences now. He helps me with Norah Lynn. He has aged years over night!!
9. A well rested mommy is a better mommy.
10. Family is a blessing. It has been wonderful to have family around this time!!
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Well, I can't take all of the credit for these pictures. I set the settings on the camera and picked the locations and poses, but Adam actually took the pictures. I think he did a great job.
God has blessed our family so much and here is just one of the evidences. Having children is nothing short of a blessing from God. Tomorrow our little girl, Norah Lynn, will be here. Carter will be a big brother and Adam and I will be parents of not one but two children. Praise God!!
My thought for the day is, of course, about birth. God has used each pregnancy to teach and remind me about His control. He is in control of the process from the beginning..the "trying" stage. We can count days and take temperatures if we want to but God is the only one that can create life. He just allows us the privileged to carry and care for the life He creates.
I have said it before and will say it again now...I don't see how anyone can have children and not believe in God.
Pregnancy in itself is a miracle. I mean there are only a limited number of days each month that a woman can get pregnant and even then everything has to work our perfectly. That only shows that God has to orchestrate each new life.
Pregnancy itself is also a reminder that God is completely in control. I have been pregnant 3 times. I have done nothing different each time and each pregnancy has been completely different. We lost the baby with the first pregnancy. This was hard, but I know God was in control of event that. The second pregnancy, God gave us Carter. Our third pregnancy will give us Norah Lynn tomorrow. Throughout the 2nd pregnancy I worried and read all I could. I finally realized that I was just the oven. God was knitting together this little boy inside me. He was doing all the work. He was just allowing me to be a part of it.
Delivery is another miracle and another way that God has demonstrated to me His control. With Carter we had to induce and after 16 hours of labor ended up in a c-section. This was not my plan at all. As a matter of fact I was very upset. I did not want to induce and I did not want to have a c-section. Our last ultrasound showed some possible complications, therefore we induced a week early. Carter was not even thinking about coming into this world, therefore we ended up in a c-section.
So this time around I had a plan (you think I would learn). I was going to go into labor all on my own and NOT have a c-section. I was going to try natural methods of induction and make sure that things worked out the way I wanted. Just so you know how my plan worked out... We are scheduled for a c-section at 2pm tomorrow. I will be 4 days past my due date and regardless of all my efforts and at-home methods, I am no closer to giving birth on my own than I was with Carter. I am NOT in control!
So my words of wisdom. Don't be as hard headed as I am. God is in control of all things and there is no better place to be than in the middle of His control.
A friend gave me this verse today. Isaiah 26:3 "...You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You."
There is peace in God alone!!