Thursday, December 8, 2011
To say that two children knocked me for a loop would be an understatement.
I have never really thought of myself as a prideful person. I mean, I was very proud of the amazing little boy that Carter was turning out to be. I felt great about life and about being able to manage life. What I didn't realize was that I had become very self-reliant and PRIDEFUL. Well, as the title says, "Pride comes before the fall.." It was a big fall and it hurt. Lots of bruises on my big ego and scrapes on the facade I had built that shouted, "I am the perfect mom!"
You see, when we had Carter it was a pretty easy adjustment. I mean we didn't really have to change life all that much. We just took Carter along with us in our life. So, I assumed that the second child would just be the same way. We would just add her to the pack and take her along with us.
WELL, it did not quite happen like that. Don't get me wrong Norah Lynn was an amazing newborn. She has been content and happy. She sleeps from 7pm all the way until 8:30 or 9am and has for a while now. I am serious. She is great But there were now two of them and one of me. It didn't add up as I thought it would.
I realized that my attitude had been one of supermom. I thought because I had it all together with one child that meant I wrote the book on motherhood. HA!! I have found out that it is nothing of me that makes these children content, happy, obedient or sweet. God created these wonderful kids and by His grace He allows me to love and hold and walk them trough life. The big key to it all is that it is not about me being supermom. It is about me realizing that I am nothing and that being a mom is an impossible responsibility without Christ. All the good that comes out of me is of Him.
I have found this out the hard way. There has been a lot coming out, this past year, that is not Christ and it has not been pretty!! I have found out that my sin nature, the part of me that comes out when I try to be in control, is U-G-L-Y!!
A good friend of mine told me that the key is to be prayed up all day everyday and to be consistent. So, that is what I do. I pray for patience. I pray for mercy and grace. I pray for the words to say. I pray for energy. I pray for a moment to rest. I pray that the love of Christ would pour out of me and flood Carter and Norah Lynn so that they might see Jesus in me and be attracted to that. I want them to know that their Mommy loves Jesus and I want that to make them want to know and love Jesus too. I don't want to tell them I love Jesus and then what comes out of me is sharp tones, ugly looks and a quick temper. That is not the image of Jesus I want to portray.
So, to all you moms out there I want to say I am sorry for looking at you and judging. I am sorry for not giving you the grace I now hope people give me. I commend you for raising your children as God has called you to do. I want you to know that the sweatshirt, ponytail, no make up, how long has it been since I have had a shower look suits you well. It is a look of love and sacrifice, a look of a obedience to your Father. You are amazing!!