The Path So Far

 

(This is before we were even dating)

  I heard the song "If You Want Me To" by Ginny Owens this week and was reminded about God's faithfulness.  Reminded is not a strong enough word.  The immensity of God's love and faithfulness washed over me in a way that took my breath. 

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear

And I don't know the reason why you brought me here

But just because you love me the way that you do 

I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to

      Scenes from the last ten years began to flash through my mind, and I was overwhelmed at all of my highs and lows and how God has been there every minute of every day.  Sometimes I didn't understand He was there, but in the end I could always look back and see His hand.  I have realized that God has shown Himself so faithful that I don't doubt that characteristic in Him at all.  I may have questions about what He says or why, but I know to trust first and understand later.  

'Cause I'm not who I was when I took my first step

And I'm clinging to the promise You're not through with me yet

So if all of these trials bring me closer to You

I'm gonna walk through the fire if You want me to

If you had told me ten years ago that I would marry my best friend, meet a group of people in Huntsville that would rock the way I view Jesus and following Him, grieve the loss of one baby, bring two more into the world, move to Memphis to help plant a church, endure a terrible year of marriage and come out the other side stronger and more in love, fall in love with Memphis, be a stay-at-home mom and realize it is harder and better than I ever imagined, find my identity in Christ alone,  endure the emotional roller coaster that is the adoption process, become the mom of another beautiful baby boy, and mentor women coming out of prostitution, I would have laughed in your face.  I would have laughed and then cried because the prospect of all of these things is overwhelming and not all things I would have chosen, but God is faithful and He is good and He loves me.  He knows what is best for me, and this is the path He chose for me to take.  So, understand it or not, I have learned, with plenty of fighting and kicking and screaming, to follow Him.  I am thankful that I am not who I was ten years ago.

It may not be the way I would have chosen

When You lead me through a world that's not my home

But you never said it would be easy 

You only said I'd never go alone

So much of my life is not what I planned or imagined.  It has been harder sometimes.  Mostly, it has been richer and fuller and better than I could have planned.  I am not saying that I have always followed God or always been obedient.  I haven't always willingly listened to God, but He has always kindly and firmly pushed me along.  He has offered me riches.  While, a lot of times, I have chosen rags of my own making, I am beginning to see through the rags and recognize the sparkling of God's riches.  I have seen enough of who God is to know that I can trust Him.  He is good, and He is faithful.

So when the whole world turns against me and 

I'm all by myself

And I can't hear you answer my cries for help

I'll remember the suffering Your love put you through

And I will go through the darkness if You want me to

Now, I hope there are not dark times to come, but in this life so far we have had a few.  There have been times that felt like the whole world was against me and God wasn't listening.  He was and is listening.  He was and is always there for me.  

When I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing I'm gonna shout

I'm gonna look into Your eyes and see, You never let me down

So take me on the pathway that will lead me home to You

And I will walk through the valley if You want me to

This last part of the song is my prayer. I am so thankful for the path so far, and I want to follow God all the way home.  It is hard at times to remember God's faithfulness when in the middle of the struggle.  So, my prayer is that not only now while things are good but also when things are hard I will remember how good and faithful God has been this far in my life. He is trustworthy and good. 

The Secret About Women

Looking around at the world, my little world, where I live, I find that it is hard to know what a woman should be.  There is a pull to be so many things, and expectations can be daunting.  There is a demand to be married while simultaneously not losing yourself or compromising any goals you have set. The expectation to be a mom rings loud and clear, but the expectation to be a career woman and make your mark in society rings just as loudly.  The pull to serve others and be a part of community tugs at a woman’s heart, while trying to balance serving her family.  There is a call to be fit and healthy while managing a budget and time schedule that serves everyone best. The list goes on.  Just as women are known for being multi-taskers, the expectations on women are multi-faceted. 

There is a secret about women, something I’m not sure many people realize.  They are strong.  Women are strong.  They have that daily, in the little things, get the job done kind of strength. Theirs is a strength that can go unnoticed or unseen, but is a force that shakes the world all around them.  Two of my friends are starting a business while raising kids and loving their husbands and seeking to honor God.  Another friend is working full time, from home, while her baby is there with her.  She is balancing full time work and full time stay at home mom so she can support her husband while he is in school.  Another friend is a teacher that is rocking the lives of the students God places in her class.  Another  friend is a single mom, fighting to turn from a life that has been tragic and hard and full of unhealthy habits.  She is fighting to give her daughter a better life, a life that honors the Father who pulled her from the pit.  One of the strongest people I know is my mom.  She began motherhood as an eighteen year old and has raised four children in a way that exudes strength and love.  She has supported my dad and helped run his business.  She has been a stay-at-home mom for as long as I can remember.  That job gets little respect most of the time, but she has shown such strength in being a steady foundation for her family.  She has four children who respect her and turn to her.  She has been our mom, our friend, our counselor, our doctor, our taxi driver, our fashion consultant and so much more.  The thing I see in common with all of these women is strength. 

Strength takes many forms.  I am always amazed at the physical strength women can have when they put their mind to it.  If you don’t believe me, think about all those times you came home or to a friend’s house and the furniture was all in a different place.  Yep, she did all of that, by herself.  Even more amazing is the strength I see inside the women I know.  Somewhere deep inside of women there is a well of strength that never seems to run out.  The hits keep coming, the voices keep calling out, the phone keeps ringing, and there she is standing or kneeling, in the middle of the storm, making her world a better place.  Her kids cling to her.  Her husband relies on her.  Her friends turn to her.   She kneels before her Heavenly Father asking to be filled, asking for strength and patience and wisdom and joy.  Then she immediately turns to the world around her and pours every bit of what the Father has given her back out.  She loves well and serves well and, at the end of the day, falls into bed asking God for the strength to do it all again tomorrow.

God created women in His image, and they are beautiful.    

Color Blind

http://www.theroot.com/articles/culture/2015/01/_3_black_adoptees_speak_about_growing_up_with_white_parents.2.html

A friend shared the link above with me, and it really struck a chord.  The wheels began to turn, and I realized something deep within me was moved.  I realized that there was something that has bothered me for a long time:  The phrase color blind.  We are not color blind.  We should not be color blind.

The article is about adult, transracial adoptees sharing their story of how hard it can be to grow up in a white family and not be white.  Well, as you can see in the picture above, we are now a transracial family.  I have a little one who will grow up in a white family and not be white. What does this mean for him?  What does this mean for us?

It means we have been given and unique gift and challenge by God.  I have zero doubt that Aiden was meant for our family, regardless of the color of his skin or the color of my skin.  I am not saying that I don't see the color of his skin.  I do!  I see it every time I look at him and every time I think about him.  He has this creamy chocolate skin.  I don't know how to explain it, but he is shaded perfectly with lights and darks.  It is warm and inviting and compliments his big, shining, brown eyes.  I see his brown skin, and I see beauty.  I love it.

Now, that is my mama's heart speaking up there.  All of those things are true.  When I see brown skin or white skin, I do not see one as better than the other or that skin color is even the most important defining thing about a person. It is just a brush stroke in the design of God.  Unfortunately, not all people have this view.  We live in a world where some people view skin color as THE defining thing about a person, and they view darker skin as less than.  This is the world where my kids will grow up.  This is the world that my children will enter when they leave my home.  This is the world that they will need to know how to survive in when I am not around.  So, no I will not be teaching my children to be color blind.

As a transracial family, it is our job to acknowledge and educate every person in our family.  That means a lot of different things, and we understand that we may not always be able to provide all our kids need in this journey.  We are committed to surrounding ourselves with people to help us along the way.  We are a family, and we love each other very much. But we understand that that love will not be all our kids need.  We will strive to instill in them a confidence that comes from knowing that their ultimate identity comes from God and God alone.  We will also try our best to prepare them for the world that is outside of our house and our embrace.

We are not a color blind family.  We embrace all the shades that God has and will use to make our family.  We love them.  We also understand the responsibility that comes with this beautiful color-filled life God has given us.  We understand it and we welcome it.

Racism is Dead?

We are in the midst of tragedy. In the very middle of a terrible situation where a young man has lost his life. A mother has lost her son. A father has lost his son. Teenagers have lost a friend. And somehow in the middle of all of this the church, those who call themselves Christians, have lost compassion. Regardless of the guilt or innocence of the man who did the shooting, a boy's life was lost. A person that God created, in His image, with all the love and care that He created every other life on this planet, is gone. Forever gone. His mom will never see his face again or hear the words, "I love you, mom" come from his mouth. Oh those precious words uttered in your little boy's voice.

Church, where are you? Where has your compassion gone? Please somebody enlighten me as to where in the bible it says it is okay to justify or gloss over the death of a boy all because of the color of his skin. Please tell me where you see Jesus hating people because they are different than Him. We are the body of Christ! We are to act like Him. We are to be His feet and His hands. The Jesus I know loves people. The Jesus I know has compassion. The Jesus I know would never let the death of a person be the end of a joke or the final jab at a community.

If you, even for a minute, have believed that racism is dead, take a look at social media right now. This very morning, in the year 2014, I have read comments like, "If blacks don't like it here then go back to Africa," or "Of course they're looting. What do you expect from those people. Always looking for a handout." Are you kidding me?!?!

Racism is alive and well, folks! It sits nicely in our pretty little houses with our nice clothes and the smile on our face as we enter our churches praising God for the privilege we so quickly forget we live in. Racism rests behind the words as we say we love Jesus but continue to hate an entire group of people solely based on the color of their skin. Racism is fully wrapped in every comment that begins with the words, "I'm not racist but..." or "There are stereotypes for a reason."

Genesis 1:27 says, "So God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them."

John 3:16-17says, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life. For God did not send the Son into the world to judge the world but that the world might be saved through Him..."

The bible clearly states that we are ALL created in God's image and He sent His Son to save us ALL. Heaven will not be a white only event. There will be people of all different colors and cultures bowing before the King, feasting at His table. It should be on earth as it is in heaven. We should come together as the body of Christ. There is beauty in diversity. Our lens for looking at life should not be a black or white lens but a gospel lens.

There is history and there is a hard past here in the South. There are effects from this past that linger today that a white culture may not see and won't understand. You don't have to see it to know that it is there. If the black community is rising up and reacting so strongly to the Ferguson trial, as believers we need to ask why. We need to look beyond the riots and the looting to the pain that has caused such a reaction. We need to be vessels of healing instead of vehicles of slander and anger. If we are to model our lives after Christ then we need to respond in a Christ like manner, with love and compassion.

Racism is alive and thriving in the south, in our city, in our homes and in our churches. If we are to ever see this change, then as the body of Christ we need to look more like Christ. Church, where is your compassion?

Adoption is a Trend

   

     I have heard a lot of talk recently about adoption being a trend.  I have heard comments about how churches should not encourage adoption because it makes people feel guilty.  I have heard people say that adoption is a trend that Christians are following just to be better Christians.

I cannot imagine a scenario where this could be the case.  Even if a family began the adoption journey on a whim to avoid guilt or fulfill the need to fit in, they wouldn't last.  A desire to follow a trend wouldn't hold out long enough and the guilt would fade.  A trend couldn't hold up to the test of the adoption journey.  Adoption is not for the trend seekers; it requires more strength and more endurance than a mere attempt to fit in could withstand.   

Adoption is happening more and more and Christians are rising up and bringing home children from all over the world.  You see, the bible tells us...

Isaiah 1:17 "learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression: bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause.

I know it may seem like trend.  I know a lot of Christians are adopting.  I know a lot of churches are speaking out for adoption and calling people to consider how God would have them grow their family.  This is not promotion of a trend but a call to obey what God clearly says in the bible.  Now I am not saying everyone is called to adopt, but we are all called to "learn to do good; seek justice, correct oppression; bring justice to the fatherless, plead the widow's cause."  What that means for each person is between that person and God.  It does mean for a lot of us that we are called to grow our family through adoption.  

I feel like anyone who has ever gone or is currently going through the adoption process laughs or cringes at these comments about adoption being a trend.  The emotions that flood your life as you navigate through the adoption journey are enough to make even those called and fortified by the hand of God to waver and fall weak.  The journey is long and hard and filled with so many ups and downs that your head begins to spin.  Adoption is very much about growing your family, but it also changes your heart.  It opens your eyes to a world of need and brokenness and beauty and grace.  You end the process a different person that you began.

Trends don't change people. They make you look pretty and give a fleeting moment of significance and worth.  They don't fill you up and force your knees to bow and your eyes to turn to your Savior.  Adoption moves you and allows God to fill you where you once were empty.

Adoption is beautiful redemption for our broken world.  Adoption is the gospel lived out in a tangible way. Adoption is a miraculous picture of what God, through Jesus, has done for us.  Adoption is an amazing way to grow a family.

I don't say all of this to say that my family has this strength and this endurance so look at our awesomeness.  We don't.  We wavered, became weary and wanted to quit.  If this had been an attempt on our part to follow a trend or avoid guilt, we would have given some eloquently stated excuse and bowed out.  In the moments we doubted and were so tired we wanted to quit, what held us and kept us strong was the voice of God whispering to hold on, to fight because our child was waiting for us.  That is the difference in the call to adopt and a trend.  A trend is the pursuit of the latest purse or a home makeover.  Adoption is the fight that brings your child home.

 Adoption is a lot of things, but it is not a trend.

Time for Introductions

Meet Aiden Curtis West!

This little love joined our family July 31.  The ten day revocation period ended today.  So, now it is my privilege, as his mama, to introduce Aiden to the world.  He was born May 15.  He now weighs 11.2 lbs and is 22.5 in long.  He is in great health and is a sweet sweet little boy.

His birth mother is a wonderful, intelligent young woman who loves him very much. She has known from the beginning that God has big plans for Aiden and that those plans include adoption.  We feel honored and blessed that she has chosen our family for Aiden.  We will always and forever be thankful for the great sacrifice of love she has been willing to make for her son to now be our son.  There are no words that can fully express our respect for her or our gratitude to her.

We have prayed for this little boy for a year and a half now, since before he was even conceived.  Even before we knew him, God knew him and knew he would be a part of our family.  Just as God knit Aiden together in the womb, He is knitting and grafting him into our family.  What an amazing God we serve that writes stories we can hardly comprehend.  I am and always will be thankful for this call to adoption.  It has been a hard, long road, but I have seen my Father's hand and felt his embrace the entire journey.  Now that Aiden is here, all I know to do is praise Him because it is all because of Him that this is the path Adam and I took to grow our family.

Aiden is ours, we are his. And we are forever changed by this little blessing.

Created for Care - Part 2 - Names of God

There were two parts of the conference that I really was not looking forward to attending.  It wasn't that I thought they were going to be terrible, they just didn't seem as appealing as the rest of the options.  The first was this time called "Date with God," and the second was a breakout session called "Coffee Talk."  I'll give you two guesses which two sessions God used the most over the weekend.  God is funny like that!

So..."Date with God" ...even the name sounds hokey.  I just knew this was going to be one of those times that was cheesy and filled with things that try to stir women's emotions and draw out tears.  I went because my friend said we should at least attempt to experience everything the conference had to offer.  My attitude was bad.  But, my heart was already so raw from the chiseling God had been doing that it didn't take long for His sweet voice to enter in and replace hokey with divine.  During that time, I had picked two cards out of a bowl with names of God on them.  I thought, well, just to pass the time, I'll look at these names and all the scripture references that go along with them.

The first name I had randomly drawn was God's name, El Roi: the God who sees.  I heard God reminding me that He sees me.  He sees all.  Genesis 6:3 says, "Truly here I have seen Him who looks after me."  I am not forgotten, and God knows exactly what my heart desires.  He sees me, and He is looking out for me.  How precious it is to have a God, a father, that is looking after me.  I could see in my mind's eye the image of a father running after and protecting his little girl.  Sweet, sweet time.  In Psalm 139, it says, "Where shall I go that you are not there?"  God sees me and is always with me.  Knowing this, how can I be afraid or doubt that I am in the right place.  I have a God that is watching out for me and has far above and beyond what I can imagine in store for our family.  It is a blessing to be called to adoption and to know that, not only do I have a God who sees me, I have a God who sees my baby.  Such comfort!

    So, I have established that God is a God who sees me.  The next name I pulled out was Jehovah Jireh: You provide.  Well, there you have it.  God sees me, and He provides for me.  Matthew 6:8 says," [...] your Father knows what you need before you ask Him."  God whispered, "You are not forgotten."  He knows my need, my longing, to grow our family.  He is providing the peace, patience, and grace to stand the waiting and disappointments along the way.  He is not only providing a way to stand theses times; He is replacing the frustration with joy.  He provides, and He graciously reminded me that He, and only He, sustains.  I can rest in Him and allow Him to turn our waiting into joy.

Now for "Coffee Talk."  Again with the name! It sounds like surface level chitchat.  I guess I did not read the description very well.  Within the first few seconds, I realized that I might have been in over my head at this point.  God was chiseling away all weekend, and I was unsure that my heart could withstand the mighty surgeon's hand any longer.  God knows when to cut and when to soothe.  There was an adult adoptee and an adoptive mama speaking and answering questions for the rest of us.  As the adoptee spoke and shared her story, my heart melted for the future we will be blessed to have one day with our adoptive child, but it also broke for the questions and the struggles that this broken situation will bring.  She reminded me that our story is one of growing our family and not one of orphan care.  We are called to adoption but not to be rescuers, just to be a normal mama and daddy.  What a wonderful calling.  Here God replaced the frustration in the wait with joy for the calling.  Thank you, Lord, that You have a child for us.  What a treasured gift children are in the family!  She also reminded us that our story begins with a broken story first.  I need to remember that my child will experience a loss before being brought into our family.  I need to be willing to enter into this pain with him/her someday and realize that I can't fix it or take the pain away and that it is not my job to do so.  Finally, I was also reminded to have patience with others in our journey.  We were called to adopt.  That does not mean that everyone one of our friends or family members feels the same call or is ready to have an adoptive child in the family, especially if that means having a child of different ethnicity.  The speakers reminded me to have patience and respect our family and friends' journeys as they process and as God moves them in the direction they need to go.

In the last session, I was reminded that I serve a God that is always on time and that I should always be prepared to praise and worship Him.

Throughout the entire conference, the Great Healer gently and methodically cut away the parts, in my heart, that were cancerous and replaced them with whole, life-giving, overflowing-with-joy parts.  God, in His wisdom, changed things deep inside me that I was unaware needed changing.  He showed me that this is not about me.  God has a plan, and what a joy it is to be part of this plan.  What better way to serve God than to take care of His children!?  What an honor it is that God has already entrusted us with two little loves and is preparing our hearts for more.  This is only the beginning.  God has opened a door in my heart and my eyes to His work in the world of adoption and orphan care.  I don't know what all He has in store for us, but I am looking forward to the journey.