Let the Journey Begin

So...

Adam, Carter, Norah Lynn and I are adopting!

The ways in which God has changed us, shown us His love and grace and moved us since we have been married is amazing.  When I look back at the beginning of our marriage and then look at now, I am thankful to say that God has worked in our lives most wonderfully.

This work in our lives has brought us here, to this very moment, to this very decision.  We are adopting.  We are adopting domestically.  We are more than excited to be doing so.

Adam and I have always know we wanted children.  Even from before we were married we knew we wanted several children.  We knew we wanted to raise them up to love and follow God.  We knew we wanted our house to be one that was full of love and encouragement and fun!

What we didn't know or even suspect was how God would bring us to have these children.  He has given us two amazing biological children.  We are so blessed to have them and so thankful for their little lives.  When we started praying and talking about having another child, the answer became very clear to both of us that our plan, our journey included adoption.

We know that there is a little child either already out there or on his or her way that is ours, part of our family.  We not only know, but are overjoyed with the thought and knowledge that God is already preparing this child to be a part of our family just as He has with our other two children.

We are ready, little one, to welcome you home!

A Way Out

This is my daughter. 

 I pray for her everyday.  I pray that she would come to know Jesus.  I pray that she would love Him with all her heart.  I pray that she has a long happy life and that she avoids all the mistakes that her mommy made.  Most recently, I pray that God would protect her from this wicked, cruel, fallen world in which we live.

My reason

I have recently started volunteering at an organization, here in Memphis, that provides rehabilitation for women in the sex-for-sale industry.  This includes everything from dancing to street prostitution to human trafficking.  I have just begun this journey and it has opened my eyes in a whole new way to the need this world has for a hero, for Jesus.  

Some Facts

Human trafficking is here in Memphis.  Not only is it here in Memphis, we are actually on a path that a lot of traffickers take that includes St. Louis, New Orleans, Dallas, Atlanta, Miami and MEMPHIS.

Some of the hot spots in our area, according to police, are:  Lamar, Memphis Airport, Sam Cooper at Tillman, North Memphis due to the amount of illegal immigrants, the Downtown bus station, and the one that surprised me the most Wolfchase Galleria.

The average age of girls that Memphis police see are between the ages of 14-16.

My Thoughts

This is in our backyard.  It was much easier for me when I had my head in the sand.  Now these women stay with me constantly.  My heart aches for them and my prayers are filled with their names.  I have learned that most prostitution starts with trafficking.  Most of the women we see on the streets now started as 12-14 year old little girls.  Most of them were sexually abused at home and some even put out on the streets by their own family.  A lot of them had to run away from home because the abuse was so bad.  Once they were on the streets they were being beaten and raped every night.  When approached my a man, a pimp, who offered a place to stay, food to eat, and protection from the brutal attacks, what choice does a 12-14 year old girl have?  By the time these girls are old enough to look for a way out, there is not enough of them left to know that they are worth saving.  

Knowing these women has taught me so much.  I have learned that they are just like me.  They have dreams, hopes, children.  They want to be a good mother and provide a stable home.  They just don't know how.  They want to believe that they are loved and valued, but it is hard when the whole world that they have ever known has shown them otherwise.  

I have learned that women coming out of the sex-for-sale industry honestly do not know or believe that God cares about them.  My first bible study with the women at A Way Out, I saw a girl hear and believe for the first time that God made her wonderful and loves her.  Her eyes filled with tears and she could hardly speak.  I cried the whole way home that night.  I was overwhelmed with emotions of sadness for where these girls have been but also with so much hope and joy for the hero they have found.

My Hope

 No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man.  God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.  I Corinthians 10:13

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me, because the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor, and the day of vengeance of our God: to comfort all who mourn: to grant to those who mourn in Zion - to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that he may be glorified.  They shall build up the ancient ruins: they shall raise up the former devastations: they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastaions of many generations.  Isaiah 61:1-4

Jesus is not only our hope, he is our HERO!  He came to save this wicked, cruel, fallen world.  So, when I get freaked out and wish I could put my head back in the sand, I remember that yes this is a fallen world but we have a hero and a rescuer.  I can rest in that.

   

What Do They See?

What kind of Jesus do people see when they look at you?

We have lived in Memphis for over a year now, and it has been life changing/heart changing for me!

A few years ago I would have jumped on the bandwagon and been all about showing up for a Chick-fil-a appreciation day.  Now, all I can think about is what kind of message is the religious community sending to the LGBT community?

When we claim that we are Jesus followers, we are stepping into the role of representing Jesus to all we know and see.  Are we showing them the Jesus of John 8, that forgives and shows kindness and love to the woman committing adultery? Are we showing people the Jesus of Matthew 4 that call His disciples, which were not the religious men of the day by far?  Are we showing Luke 23, that shows forgiveness and grace to the thief on the cross?

It breaks my heart to think what it must have felt like for anybody in the LGBT community to drive by and see the line at Chick-fil-a today.  It breaks my heart because to them, I am sure, it was not a line supporting freedom of speech.  It was a line that represented hatred towards them.  I am sure this is not true of all the people that supported Chick-fil-a today, but ask yourself, "Were you really there to support Cathy's freedom of speech, or were you there to show how much to disagree with homosexuality?"  If your answer is the latter, then look to the Bible and ask yourself who you look more like, Jesus or the Pharisees?

As, Jesus followers, we need to love people the way He did and does.  He never accepted sin but He also never showed such hatred toward people.

Pride Comes Before the Fall

It has been a while.  Here are my kiddos.  They are growing so fast. Carter is 3 and Norah Lynn is almost 10 months old.

To say that two children knocked me for a loop would be an understatement.

I have never really thought of myself as a prideful person.  I mean, I was very proud of the amazing little boy that Carter was turning out to be.  I felt great about life and about being able to manage life.  What I didn't realize was that I had become very self-reliant and PRIDEFUL.  Well, as the title says, "Pride comes before the fall.."  It was a big fall and it hurt.  Lots of bruises on my big ego and scrapes on the facade I had built that shouted, "I am the perfect mom!"

You see, when we had Carter it was a pretty easy adjustment.  I mean we didn't really have to change life all that much.  We just took Carter along with us in our life.  So, I assumed that the second child would just be the same way.  We would just add her to the pack and take her along with us.

WELL, it did not quite happen like that.  Don't get me wrong Norah Lynn was an amazing newborn.  She has been content and happy.  She sleeps from 7pm all the way until 8:30 or 9am and has for a while now.  I am serious.  She is great  But there were now two of them and one of me. It didn't add up as I thought it would.

I realized that my attitude had been one of supermom.  I thought because I had it all together with one child that meant I wrote the book on motherhood. HA!!  I have found out that it is nothing of me that makes these children content, happy, obedient or sweet.  God created these wonderful kids and by His grace He allows me to love and hold and walk them trough life.  The big key to it all is that it is not about me being supermom. It is about me realizing that I am nothing and that being a mom is an impossible responsibility without Christ.  All the good that comes out of me is of Him.

I have found this out the hard way.  There has been a lot coming out, this past year, that is not Christ and it has not been pretty!!  I have found out that my sin nature, the part of me that comes out when I try to be in control, is U-G-L-Y!!

A good friend of mine told me that the key is to be prayed up all day everyday and to be consistent.  So, that is what I do.  I pray for patience. I pray for mercy and grace.  I pray for the words to say.  I pray for energy.  I pray for a moment to rest.  I pray that the love of Christ would pour out of me and flood Carter and Norah Lynn so that they might see Jesus in me and be attracted to that.  I want them to know that their Mommy loves Jesus and I want that to make them want to know and love Jesus too.  I don't want to tell them I love Jesus and then what comes out of me is sharp tones, ugly looks and a quick temper.  That is not the image of Jesus I want to portray. 

So, to all you moms out there I want to say I am sorry for looking at you and judging.  I am sorry for not giving you the grace I now hope people give me.  I commend you for raising your children as God has called you to do.  I want you to know that the sweatshirt, ponytail, no make up, how long has it been since I have had a shower look suits you well.  It is a look of love and sacrifice, a look of a obedience to your Father.  You are amazing!!

A Mother's View

These are my beautiful children. These are the little lives that I would do anything for and pray for everyday. These little faces capture my heart and make it sing.

Today is Good Friday. Today is the day that Jesus died. Not just any death, but a undeserved death, my death. Today is the day that Mary watched as the face that captured her heart was beaten and bruised. She watched as the life that she would do anything for and prayed for was mocked, tortured and killed. Mary, Jesus's mother, stood by helplessly as the little one she held and rocked, now a man, was whipped and crucified. She watched, all the while, knowing it was for her he was hanging on that cross.

As I think about today, I can't help but think about what it must have been like, for Mary, to watch her son suffer so much. I can't even begin to imagine seeing my children in so much pain.

I also think about the reason Jesus was hanging on the cross, the reason he had to die. In obedience to His Father, it was because of me He was hanging on that cross. That death was mine, what I deserve for the sin in my life.

I may not seem like a bad person. By most people's standards I would be considered a good person.

I want to tell you that I am not a good person. My heart is wicked in and of itself. If left to myself I would choose sin. Only by the grace of God, only by abiding in Christ am I redeemed!! I NEED Jesus! Bottom line. Nothing else matters. I am not justified because I m a good mother, a good wife. I am not redeemed because my house is clean or because I am nice to my neighbors. I am not good because I go to church or even because I serve in church. None of these things matter and none of them count.

The only thing that matters is that God opened my eyes to my need for Him and redeemed my wicked heart for His glory. Because of Him I can rejoice and be glad. He saved me!! I can live because He died.

Today is the day that my Savior died. In a few days we rejoice that He is risen, but today I am compelled to remind myself of my need for Him, the reason He died.

John 19, Ephesians 1

Mother of Two

Things I've learned in my short time as a mother of two:

1. Love is not something I can measure or understand. God has made my heart big enough to fall in love with two beautiful children.

2. Patience does not come easy while suffering from sleep deprivation.

3. Never underestimate the amount of laughter a two year old can bring into your life, or the power that that laughter has to overcome sleep deprivation and a small case of baby blues.

4. A helpful, understanding, loving husband is priceless.

5. I am able to do much more than I thought, but only with lots of prayer and a few tears here and there.

6. The middle of the night is not my first choice, but it is a great time to enjoy the wonderful treasure that is a new baby. We are the only two awake and she is all mine with no interruptions.

7. It is not easier the second time around to listen to your baby cry.

8. Your first child goes from being a baby to a big boy the minute that baby comes out. I mean he talks in complete sentences now. He helps me with Norah Lynn. He has aged years over night!!

9. A well rested mommy is a better mommy.

10. Family is a blessing. It has been wonderful to have family around this time!!

Control

Well, I can't take all of the credit for these pictures. I set the settings on the camera and picked the locations and poses, but Adam actually took the pictures. I think he did a great job.

God has blessed our family so much and here is just one of the evidences. Having children is nothing short of a blessing from God. Tomorrow our little girl, Norah Lynn, will be here. Carter will be a big brother and Adam and I will be parents of not one but two children. Praise God!!

My thought for the day is, of course, about birth. God has used each pregnancy to teach and remind me about His control. He is in control of the process from the beginning..the "trying" stage. We can count days and take temperatures if we want to but God is the only one that can create life. He just allows us the privileged to carry and care for the life He creates.

I have said it before and will say it again now...I don't see how anyone can have children and not believe in God.

Pregnancy in itself is a miracle. I mean there are only a limited number of days each month that a woman can get pregnant and even then everything has to work our perfectly. That only shows that God has to orchestrate each new life.

Pregnancy itself is also a reminder that God is completely in control. I have been pregnant 3 times. I have done nothing different each time and each pregnancy has been completely different. We lost the baby with the first pregnancy. This was hard, but I know God was in control of event that. The second pregnancy, God gave us Carter. Our third pregnancy will give us Norah Lynn tomorrow. Throughout the 2nd pregnancy I worried and read all I could. I finally realized that I was just the oven. God was knitting together this little boy inside me. He was doing all the work. He was just allowing me to be a part of it.

Delivery is another miracle and another way that God has demonstrated to me His control. With Carter we had to induce and after 16 hours of labor ended up in a c-section. This was not my plan at all. As a matter of fact I was very upset. I did not want to induce and I did not want to have a c-section. Our last ultrasound showed some possible complications, therefore we induced a week early. Carter was not even thinking about coming into this world, therefore we ended up in a c-section.

So this time around I had a plan (you think I would learn). I was going to go into labor all on my own and NOT have a c-section. I was going to try natural methods of induction and make sure that things worked out the way I wanted. Just so you know how my plan worked out... We are scheduled for a c-section at 2pm tomorrow. I will be 4 days past my due date and regardless of all my efforts and at-home methods, I am no closer to giving birth on my own than I was with Carter. I am NOT in control!

So my words of wisdom. Don't be as hard headed as I am. God is in control of all things and there is no better place to be than in the middle of His control.

A friend gave me this verse today. Isaiah 26:3 "...You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You because he trusts in You."

There is peace in God alone!!